.Kinky.

[my opinion that welcomes discussion and growth]

Let's talk about sex baby! A conversation oh so important. The more we avoid the more miscommunication and harm occur to our friends, family, and colleagues. So let's not pretend that sex talks can only happen behind closed doors, windows, and sheets. Let's dive in!

I came across a beautiful, crafty, authentic clothing store in Rotterdam. I had entered there

in the past but I was quite self-critical so I didn’t appreciate it as I did now. She has been at the location for more than 20 years, a commitment quite extraordinary (especially for our generation). Her shop sells really beautiful fetish wear, “sexy”, uh la laaah wear. Personally, I am delving into discovering my “kinky” side, tapping into what enhances my pleasures instead of, one of the most toxic red flags: watching porn. No judgment (but judgment) but I am coming to understand how unfulfilling and unreal the free porn world is. (If reading this is making you feel uncomfortable, check yourself). Honestly, many porn videos are quite boring, abusive, and manipulative. Many lack understanding of what turns one personally on and building relationships with those who make you feel comfortable expressing and doing so. Intimacy.

Those who embrace your authentic you and give their authentic them. Harmony.

How are you communicating your desires? How is your relationship minus the physical intimacy?

Is there emotional intimacy?

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I am not judging the art of sex or people who choose one's sexual expression to guide them through life. Love is love at the end of the day. Also, some may feel a simple glance is highly arousing whereas others need more. This conversation is open to many perspectives, whether you identify as male, queer, cisgender, gender fluid, or even an alien.

The spectrum is wide.

I do however feel, we have the choices and responsibilities to respect one another's journey but also find ways to encourage the art of sex and pleasure in variously safe forms. In ways such as you would desire your finest art to be seen. Why are you judging? How can we encourage talking about the safety of sex? Safety of expressing pleasure? How can we communicate consent? Whether for yourself or for more to know.

I feel like porn videos and even sex scenes in movies can be a false representation of "sex" for many including myself. The beauty standards, the environments, the relationships. eh.

There is even more beauty and magic besides what we may consume visually, tune into yourself. If everyone were authentic to their touch, each sexual experience should be different, right? Some experiences may not even involve penetration.

Netflix show recommendation "How to Build a Sex Room"

Cheex (14 days free if you use this link I got from @Trinity's vlogs, I really appreciate her):

Cheex “A membership designed to sexually empower and inspire you with unlimited access to erotic films, audio stories, and unashamed sex education.”

Everything is a choice.

What is Intimacy?

Thank you to Stephanie R. Yates-Anyabwile, who shares professional expertise, and specializes as a Marriage and Family therapist. To skip this section click here.

Know 11 ways you can be more intimate with the people around you (video here)!

Intimacy “A perception of closeness to another that allows sharing of personal feelings, understanding, affirmation and demonstration of caring.”

1. Validate what your partner says

   1. No critiques (Counterproductive)

   2. Let partner know when you agree or disagree

2. Laugh @ jokes

3. Compliment your partner

   1. Vocalize what you like about them.

4. Be open to receiving compliments

   1. Avoid denying the compliment.

   2. Share your appreciation of the compliment even if you may disagree.

5. Encourage your partner

   1. Do you believe in their abilities to achieve their dreams?

   2. If you don’t believe in their dreams, how suitable are you?

   3. See the best in your partner's dreams and enhance the best potential.

6. Challenge kindly

   1. Ask your partner if he/she/they/them wants to be challenged.

   2. Your partner is/should not be your enemy

   3. Ask if you can give advice in a specific area. Or give advice when asked.

7. Love them in their love language.

   1. Learn their love language. You don’t want to love others based on how you want to be loved. Your partner will know.

   2. As they will know, so will you.

   3. What are they complaining about? That is where you can know where they need support or extra loving.

8. Share secrets and insecurities.

   1. Be your authentic self so you know they got your back no matter what.

9. Acknowledge and explore frustrations as they come up.

   1. Why is it bothering you? When was the last time you felt triggered in this certain area?

   2. Understand what is the cause of the trigger, because it is not them.

10. Externalize problems as separate from your partner and relationship.

    1. A problem can be external.

    2. Your partner is not the enemy, it can be an object, person, or habit.

    3. Are you willing to tackle it together?

11. Gratitude and appreciation expression

    1. Notice what is being done and are doing well. This is a simple yet highly underrated action.

    2. Keep encouraging your partner.

“Evaluate the person that you are with and how healthy the relationship is that you are in.”

Thank you, Stephanie!

Besides emotional intimacy which is something I am attentively understanding more about, I am also working towards physical intimacy since it is a part of me I have neglected for a long time. I have a hard time expressing physical emotions, like don’t touch me, don't even breathe near me lol!!!

Physical intimacy varies from holding hands, hugging, hand on knee, cuddling, and basically acknowledging their presence. Neverthemore, I am looking forward to eventually purchasing a set or a corset so I will be feeling even more sexy, confident, and open to allowing my energy to flow through me without resistance. (This merely is for me and my health). Giving this part of me a persona I can rely on. Sounds "weird" but I feel like sexual expression can be perceived differently because we sexualize normality and demonize kink.

Quasi Modo. Were you once an outcast too?

At Quasi Modo, you can find latex sets, leather corsets, and unique chockers. This is not the only way neverthemore this is Meike's specialty. She mentioned that she first started her design journey when she received her first barbie “met tieten” (with boobs) hehe. She used to use her mom's old clothes and design clothes for her dolls. As she started learning more about the craft, she continued creating her own unique looks which her friends really wanted too and from there she flourished. In addition to her beautiful corsets, dresses, tote bags, and more. She has a second-hand clothing section of her finest finds. She believes (and I agree) that nowadays vintage stores are overpricing designer items however at her store you can find Burberry jackets for 50€. Awesome stuff!

[

Mieke Romijn

Modestudio

Nieuwe Binnenweg 15C

3014GB Rotterdam

Tel: 010-4360699

Website www.quasi-modo.nl

E-mail mieke@quasi-modo.nl

]

Overall, what makes your juices flow beautifully? Flow freely? Are they your juices or intoxicated juices, polluted juices, or expired juices? What respectfully works for you?

Once you know more, you will find so much beauty in your flow. You will trust your flow, protect and cherish your flow. Cherish each other's flow. Know that you do not have to share.

Practice safe sex, practice consent, practice self-enjoyment, and prioritize self.

!NO MEANS NO!

Wan Love!