she died as she lived

Expressing yourself takes a lot of courage, showing people how you feel at a specific moment through the magical spectrum of art, is powerful. Some people don’t understand what it takes to put yourself out there, it is scary, and it takes various cycles of dropping all barriers of who you once thought you were. It takes dropping what other people think and still standing firm to what you stand for as a living Devine being.

The power of showing up is essential for the human race, showing up to support the people you follow and adore. As much as artists create to express themselves, there is always an energy that you get when people, who know you, show up. No, you will not get a cookie or a star sticker for showing up but you will get inspiration, hugs, smiles, and more in return when eventually (in intention) you need people to show up for you. The power of giving.

There was a sitch with a famous TikTokker who has millions of followers, viewers and likes across all platforms but during her meet and greet, no one showed up. Only she showed up for herself. Like damn… What lesson can that teach one?

Notes: Quotes are based on a mini recorded conversation.

The Exhibition:

The other day I saw Suelae post her upcoming graduation exhibition so I planted that seed in my brain that as soon as I get back to The Netherlands, I would go and visit the venue. It was free (besides transport) but all I knew is that I wanted to be there, to see what she had created because pictures don’t do justice, and to see what else our generation has been working on. Alongside her selected patchwork pieces which I will get into in a bit, there was some really awesome artwork; from futuristic fashion, to sculptures, to extravagant footwear, to

VR experiences, interesting furniture, mini doll worlds, posters, graphic designs, and so much more. Like 4 or more floors of artwork. One that really stood out to me was from a student who embroiders every time she experiences migraines. So she has a textile booklet of her embroidery experiences that is collected through her expressions when she goes through her

migraine episodes (picture ova there). I thought that was really powerful and a beautiful way to embrace one’s mental health. In addition, the VR experience was really cool as well, it was google, in a dimension. You could google whatever you wanted (ye ye I see where your thoughts are going) and you can find all google links in a VR experience while floating in the middle of nowhere. That was in-saneee! The student had really interesting findings on how websites are built and the similarities in website developmental structures.

Anythewhooo, I took most of my time to sit and take in Suelae’s exhibition. She is known for her fantabulous patchwork and more, whose skills runs through her ancestral lineage. Her art is truly inspired by her life lived in Antigua and the beautiful work that has been passed down through generations. She fondly explained that her African American aunt;

“has inherited extremely old patchwork quilts that have also been made by other women in her family and I got to see them and touch them first hand. That was a very magical experience, being able to kind of witness this form of history. This form of community building and storytelling.”

I really enjoyed how authentic the presentation was, you could see how the patchwork was formed piece by piece, fabric by fabric. When you entered you saw the back side of the work and needed to move into the piece to see the final form. However, patchwork was not only a form of art making but also a way to communicate with each other in times when Antigua and Barbuda islands were used for mass sugar cane plantations run around the years 1600's-1700's by the British colonial administration and cultivated by African slaves who were 'exported' to the islands. During the vividly brutal periods of slavery/people exploitation in the Caribbean and America, patchwork was a form of communication. Sewings;

“had ah symbols of like the north star [wow] - to tell runaway slaves where to go and those practices have been passed down.”

Similarly to the history of African braids and how braids were maps to navigate slaves to safe places and even to transport seeds. I wonder how these forms of communication happened and how it was acknowledged. Patchwork was just as effective for shining hope, and navigating escape routes and pointing out safe places on the island.

“the hand making technique of patchwork really relates to the history of the people on the island and their own labour and their own like blood, and sweat and tears that they had to put into generating the agriculture of sugar cane.”

Even though slavery ‘seems’ to be in our past, I still find it difficult to comprehend that such acts occurred so bluntly, trading Africans to do one’s many works. It is shocking and the effects are still present today. I pray for a world of personal independence, free will, love, and acceptance of one another's presence.

Besides the exhibited pieces there was a voice-over of a very powerful poem that she wrote to express the visualizations of the patchwork.

“in the patchwork and in the poem I am kind of imagining the history in a way, [yeah] and imagining the journey, and imagining their feelings and trying to connect with them, because it is something that has been erased. Tried to be forcefully erased, their actual history.”

A lot of our African history, culture, traditions, and art has been burnt, demonized, and forgotten. If not erased then profited on. The foundation of our human race has been eradicated by the future of humanity which turned out to be dominated by the white (male) race with advanced technology, visions of capitalism, and with lack of love.

How did we get here?

"we died and we died again, we rose and we died again"

“exploring the link between colonization of religion and the way that it is actually practiced as one example of erasure. -[R]eferring to the journey of Jesus and how he rose and he died again and how like a lot of people on the island are Christian but the way they celebrate is very African still so I would consider it to be Afro-Christianity. Kinda bringing the idea into the ancestors and the spirits of the ancestors and that they may have died but elements of them still come back and I am using nature as a metaphor so the Shac-Shac tree is a symbol that of the people who have died but rise again, every year the flowers bloom.”

Elements of our ancestors still come back, Every year the flowers bloom, beautiful.

To read her full poem click hapa.

We are all a part of our history no matter which race you may identify as but, how are we making sense of it now? How are we moving forward without unnecessary distinctive destruction? (Meaning if we chose to destruct can we move past race and physical appearances?) Can our souls fight? Why is there this race war? What are we learning from our past? Or are we learning anything from our disagreements? Will it continue for as long as we need to realize the lesson? What is the lesson? IS there a lesson?

"my generation is really finding their voice. So I think we are rising. We are in our rising."

Before we get to Suelae’s final inspiring words, we discussed how her school, Willem de Kooning Academie, can be quite oppressive towards people of color. When I was there I mentioned how gender fluid the crowd was, you had people expressing themselves however they felt like it, it was beautiful to see the queerness of humanity. No matter how you identify yourself you can be who you decide. Nevertheless, Suelae explained that her voice and story were mainly amplified when her school decided to jump onto the Black Lives Matter movement train which end stop was a few months later,

“the only one in my class and the only one dealing with themes of culture, history and race. I felt like a black sheep in my class and I felt a little bit embarrassed to be making works about this thing because I didn’t know how they would react, it took a long time for me to be able to come out of my shell, and I feel like it took a lot for people to really notice my work.”

Many of us fear expressing our most true and authentic selves because usually those versions of us were told to be toned down, minimized, by ‘role models’, schools, workplaces, or peers who envy one's truest forms, yet many constantly try to fit in, try to make one's self more palatable to whoever is around. Especially if a whole group in this case Africans and our culture is so unnecessarily frowned upon by hate, seen as ‘exotic’ or ‘strange’ but merely do Africans express based on what one knows, why must we adjust?

*Capitalism aka, control nation.*

Receiving feedback can be tough, I remember when I was a little kid and I so proudly wore the Masaai traditional wear for “International day” all of a sudden a white South African classmate who I knew always had a crush on me, that day, told me that I stink. Where did that even come from? I didn’t understand why but that scenario played a big role in my fear of “smelling bad” and when I started discussing that situation, multiple truths came forth.

So receiving feedback on how one decides to be, can be tough, which is why besides showing up for ourselves, we need each other to show up for one another, just show up. This will always outweigh any bad that may arise especially if you show up with the right intentions. Showing up is major key, you can really impact one's life with that simple act of, hopefully, chosen love.

“What I have learnt lately is that you just have to believe in yourself even when it feels like, impossible, just always big yourself up because its okay to make mistakes and its okay not to be perfect but be proud, I guess this is a message for myself, be proud of where you have come from and what you have achieved. Yeah just speak your truth.”

Thank you for sharing and being you Suelae.

Wan Love.